Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Saying You Love Everything: The New "I Hate Everything" (all of which is now old and somewhere else completely)


Oh, how American hipster culture continues to be the lamest form of discrimination around, which already an insanely lame state of mind to begin with. But the lame wad hipster (whom are STILL wearing aviator shades and long banged brown shags parted right to left, a look which brings out my own form of discrimination) is certain weenie jerk whose tendency to break away from jacking off to a mirror to spew some of their latest mallrat viewpoint on popular culture ranks up alongside of Starr Jones claiming they don't music like they used for sheer ability to bring out the Human Torch in all of us. Just a few minutes with these perpetually arm crossed folks leads to type of counting back from 100 anger management that most definitely leads to hard drinking and the listening to of Enter The Sandman while you release your redneck rage on bean bag. It's funny, though, I don't actually get angered by Pitchfork and their likes on the web, the lightning rods for wannabe-cools, because I actually like them along with tons and tons of people that read the site. It's the people who read only that site and repeat exactly what they just said, their Mocha Frapuchino drowsed spit dripping all over their oversized thrift store pearl necklace and sunglasses as they repeat verbatim how so and so is such and such from within their economically safe 8 gazillion watt charged apartments in white people town of whatever city/suburb they live in.

The newest trend has actually been going on for quite some time now, the trend of saying everything is amazing instead of everything is terrible. It's the natural evolution as the sophmores in high school from Valporasio, IN, start listening to Wolf Parade and embrace "indie" culture (which is a horse shit term by the way. Indie from what? Money and success? Excitement? Must be records labels that screw you over and make sure you work ass for them to do so...), turning to saying how Usher is the worst thing they've ever heard in their entire life. The way to rebel to that is to naturally have plenty of Ace of Base on your iPod, making to sure to show off for all those to see your insane taste in the popular, just how loony you are. Now, I way prefer people saying things are good rather bad, and I'm actually one whose always (way before everyone else, natch, threads go!) liked a lot of popular music, but there is something even more vastly aggrivating about some jackass making sure you know that they really like the new Cheyenne single (or R&B jam, which is usually the go to music genre for showing your mainstream muscle).

Of course, within this mindset are the usual the quadruple ultra megatime triple passove loop back sub cultures with an infinite amount of ways to perceive at just how to be cool, like some hipter version of what came first, the chicken or the egg, so its impossible figuring just whats the exquisite level at which to grab on to something, claiming you like it after it was heard by everyone first. It's becoming more of a race to be ahead of the behind the crowd folks, finding out which songs sounds mindless and stupid enough to surprise a human being into thinking that your forest green pocket T may actually still be the cultural norm for being a symbol of utter in the know cool. I guess it doesn't make that much difference considering a lot these people don't even care for music (or actually listen to beyond putting in on while they'll surf Stereogum and old Stylus magazine reviews to claim they're filthy angry at), so no harm done.

I shouldn't be taking this so seriously, as it means I've fallen for their trap, stuck in the middle of a web while hopelessly behind the times trendsters NOW(?) in polka dot blouses surround me and talk about being starving art students in downtown Chicago. But I'm a product of my envirnment. Sorry, hipsters, I can't stand you. Which makes me part of a hipster sub group on par with Limp Bizkit fans making fun of Nsync. Double irony: I actually like some music out there nowadays, just not the people who claim to listen to it, making me the even bigger asshole. Anybody seen my thouroughly used comb around? My hair doesn't look like it hasn't been
combed enough.

P.S. As for the whole retro lookback and embrace of culture (particularly of the 80s for the past few fears and soon to be late 90s in short few moments, which I'm both looking forward to and dreading as it means that my love of late 90s pop will be slighlty dirtied by hearing everyone else totally loves it and played in the car and shouted at 1 in the morning with their friends while driving home from Denny's), that has always sucked. Big 80s ballads were awesome in the Wedding Singer, and that's just about it, as it wasn't being lamely ironic like everything single movie/person is nowadays. Hey, buddy, Generation X is over, get the fuck over it and rely on jokes that actually make us laugh.


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